I cried when I tried on skinny jeans today.
Nice start to a post I know, but this shit is very real for so many people. I've always had issues personally, with my weight and my skin (hence why I review so many skincare products!), and know so many people in my life also suffer from their own issues surrounding their appearance. I'm going to write about myself and my own experiences for a bit, then I hope to end this post with something more uplifting and motivational, because it is extremely important to love yourself and take care of your body. Especially during a pandemic, which puts stress on both physical and mental health for everyone.
I've struggled all my life with spots and acne, and I still suffer to this day. I went through a period of time where I refused to leave the house without a full face of makeup on, and would not let anyone take pictures of me barefaced. My family have commented on it for years, and I know how noticeable it is. I've tried every product I possibly can, and over the years I've got myself into a much better regular skincare routine, and I experiment with new products to see what helps. My skin is nowhere near perfect now, and I definitely should be drinking lots more water, but its much more manageable than it has been (see 2017 Megan below).
I still have issues with people seeing me without makeup, and I still strongly dislike the way I look sometimes, but I'm much better now than I've ever been, thanks to skincare and the lovely people around me who remind me that the way I look is nothing to be ashamed of.
Weight is a different story. I used to have the speediest metabolism out there, and was known by my close friends as the annoying one who can fit into a size 4. I was insanely proud of that. When my body changed, and my hips, thighs and stomach started to grow, I began to hate the way I looked. I didn't think I could wear the small skimpy clothes I'd come to love and look as good in them as I used to. I started to get a little controlling over what I ate, but it didn't take full affect until the end of college/start of uni. That's when I started going long amounts of time without eating, from nothing at all for half of the day, to only eating 'pointless' food (the kind of stuff that has minimal nutritional benefit). This was partly because as a uni student, I couldn't be arsed to make proper food, and you don't get hungry sat in bed all day. But once I saw the weight loss, to the point where even friends and family from home commented on it too, I carried on. I took that as a compliment, until I realised that wasn't a healthy way to be living. I'm starting to eat better and more regularly, but I still struggle sometimes. Stuff like that is near impossible to ever fully get over, and it takes time and patience to unlearn all those unhealthy habits and create new ones. But it is possible, I promise you that.
Today was the first day in a over a year that I wore skinny jeans. I haven't brought any in a long time, as I've been too afraid after having a breakdown in a Primark changing room. After then I kind of gave up on ever finding skinny jeans that fit me, and that looked good on me. I brought three pairs today, and they fit, and I've never been so excited. It's the little things that make a massive difference, and it often takes your own actions to remind you how beautiful your body is. There's nothing better (for me anyway) than finding that perfect outfit that makes you feel amazing, trying a new skincare product that makes your skin feel so soft you can't stop touching it, or that new lipstick that is just your shade. So sometimes, treat yourself, and remind yourself what a bomb ass bitch you are.
To end this post, I wanted to share some personal tips on how I remind myself to love who I am, and link a few places to see, accounts to follow, that may also help anyone else.
Balance one bad thing with three good things. It's okay to acknowledge your flaws, but remember that there is so much more to you. For example, "my skins not looking great today, but I love the colour of my eyes, my brows are looking really nice today, and my hair looks so shiny". Plus, you always notice your own flaws, other people always see the good in you.
Journal. I have my own little journal which I use for so many things. I have a mind map of all the things in my life that make me happy, from Netflix to my family, big or small, it all matters. I also have a list of simple goals to achieve on a low day, so you can always say you've accomplished something, wether that's making my bed, going for a walk, texting a loved one, or writing.
Treat yourself! If you're feeling down about the way you look, remind yourself who you are by putting on your favourite outfit, even if there's no one to see it! Buy that new top you've been eyeing up for a while, I bet you'll look amazing! Do some skincare, practice a new hairstyle, have a bubble bath, make yourself feel good, the way you always should.
Surround yourself with love. Call your mum, your dad, sister, grandad, best friend, whoever makes you feel appreciated. Drop a message, have a catch up, go for a socially distanced walk. People who care about you will never fail to make you smile until your face hurts, and its the best feeling:)
And finally, go check out these pages on Instagram if you ever need self-love inspiration:
@bodyimagepositive
@hi.ur.beautiful
@the.doodle.project
@theopeninvite
@feminist
@bodypositivityformen
All my love,
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